She can’t cook-and doesn’t clean..
April 18, 2011 in Advice about Relationships, Guys want to know
So I have been meeting more and more girls that seem to be less and less interested in the traditional duties of a woman. It seems like as girls are more career oriented that a lot of them have no interest in those ol chores that their moms did. So, if I get in a serious relationship with one of these girls, it’s going to piss me off if she thinks I’m going to do all that crap.
A man and a woman have roles, why can’t girls have careers and still be womanly..I’ll still have to mow the yard because my DNA made me stronger therefore I’ll use that ability…
It seems like women can shed the old skin and be as fast-food oriented as they want, but if I can’t mend the fence,.. I’m not useful.
I just don’t get it.
Personally, I agree with the men on this one. I believe that it’s a woman’s right to have a career she’s dedicated to, but at the end of the day she has an all important duty. Yes, men and women should share the household chores but sometimes men just don’t have the touch that women have. Men are naturally stronger and women are naturally nurturing, although there are variations in both cases. It’s just how human beings are built. I believe in the traditional life style and I apologize if you disagree, but we’re all entitled to our unique opinions.
I think Women were happier back in the 40′s because their role was clear and defined. If you take away the stuff that attracts us guys to girls, and a big part of that is the domestic stuff, then it ruins the balance.
ha. well, if you want women to stay home and take care of the house, then you get to finance our entire lives. why do men want a 50s housewife but also expect us to have our own money? are you guys serious? wtf. pick one and stick to it. oh and dont ever tell a woman she’s not strong enough to mow a damn lawn. god help the woman you end up with!
Hear, hear!
go2guy, I would happily do that. And it would be my full time job. If you want something like that, find someone that would be willing to do it for you. However, making it a standard is completely unfair. If you’d read the comments, you’d see that we have no problem with doing it, but we need to be financially supported. We would also be happy with the reverse.
HOWEVER, as Chrissy said, we do NOT want it to be assumed that after our 60 hour work week we’re going to bust our asses fixing dinner while you watch football.
That shit doesn’t fly.
Whats wrong with wanting to come home to;
1. Clean House
2. Dinner on the table
3. Laundry folded and put up
4. Martini in hand
5. Her naked with only an apron on
We guys miss the days of Mrs. Cleaver
Jay, your an ass
Leroy Johnson good points my friend!!! Good points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LYRIC FTW!
yay Lyric!
awesome discussion on both sides!! Way to go Leroy!! Lyric, good comebacks as well.
I feel like this, if you’re going to work we can split it down the middle 50/50, but if you’re not going to work and want me to work, come home do all the cooking and cleaning and take care of the child, and want all this attention and money to do what ever while you’re home all day, that’s going to cause a conflict. When the tables were turned and I wasn’t working, my woman came home to a clean house, cooked meals, bath water ready when needed, child attended to. But when I got my job and she quit hers after I got mine, no form of reciprocation what so ever. All of a sudden we have to eat out every time if I didn’t feel like cooking or I would hear there is no food in the fridge yet I would go pull out stuff and cook a meal that her and our child would enjoy. House got nasty and messy, if I didn’t clean her idea of cleaning was clean one or twice a month. Believe it or not I’ve seen mold grow on coffee. I decided to stop picking up after her thinking that would help, WRONG it got worse. I went through 3yrs of that crap until I finally reiterated what I stated in the first sentence of all this. So for me, I don’t mind if a woman wants a career has goals, heck I have the same ambitions we can split it 50/50, if she can’t cook she needs to at least try to learn because I like home cooked meals and I know how to cook. If she’s not working and not pursuing any advancements in life and is going to be home all day, then yes she needs to hold the house down. Cook everyday? NO, I eat left overs lol. If you’ve actually read everything I just wrote and feel I’m a chauvinistic pig, well: Oink Oink then.
Leroy, I’m sorry to hear about the struggle you went through. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t want to be a member of a team and instead want to only be supported.
For me, that was my dad. My dad didn’t work from when I was 5 years old until my mom divorced him when I was 16. During this time, my mom worked 3 jobs, cooked every meal, mowed the lawn, took care of me and my older brother, and was both parents at once. When I was 10, I asked her why she didn’t divorce Daddy. Hell, I was a “save the relationship” baby.
This isn’t about gender. It isn’t about superiority or ability. It’s about fairness and working as a team. It’s about sacrifices for the other person so the team can work better.
When I am in a partnership, it’s not about what role I should be playing, but where I can pick up the slack and help the other person. Right now, I make more money than my partner. So my partner takes care of my dog so I can work more and I buy the groceries. Whether the sacrifices are time based or money based, there need to be sacrifices.
Again, I’m sorry that you got screwed over. It was unfair of her to expect you to do all of that. But if the roles were reversed, it would be just as intolerable. I am still furious with my father, as I am sure you are still furious with your ex.
I’m glad “hundr” is getting everyone back on the right track with this ridiculous post. My only advice here is S. Adams needs to jump in his time machine and go back to 1855 to find a woman, i.e. slave. I cannot even dignify that insanity with any sort of in depth response, but just so you know, I mow my lawn all the time (and have a man around). I like the physical labor of it after doing my desk job and it’s excellent exercise. Also, it’s not that hard so I wouldn’t need a man with “superior dna” to do it, most modern lawn mowers even have a pull feature where you barely have to push the damn thing, so REALLY???
Maybe I didn’t read what he wrote correctly, because I didn’t see anything to the extent to where he wanted a “slave”, he even said “why can’t girls have careers and still be womanly”. True he didn’t explicitly define what “womanly” is so we have to assume what he means based off his general statement, but I just don’t get “He wants a slave” from what he wrote. So in your mind and the minds of others on this post, maybe, my Mother would be viewed as a cave woman or even stupid because you took care of me and all of the household needs while my father took care of all the outside house chores and they both worked to pay the bills though he paid the majority of them. She brought groceries and also got her Masters degree in the process. Is she a 1855 woman or is this the type of woman that S. Adams is asking “Do they exist anymore”?
because she* took care of me
sorry typo
Well in response to your comment, I believe ‘cave women’ came before 1855, but I could be a little shaky on my history there.. from the description of your Mother, it sounds like a lady we could all be proud of, sounds like she did a lot for you and her husband; her family. I personally do not believe in traditional gender roles, I embrace an egalitarian relationship in my home and I hope for everyone that they can find agreeable divisions of labor. You sound emotional, disappointed and bitter with your own arrangement; I wish you the best of luck with that. My issues with the post above are as follows, I’ll be explicit so that no one misconstrues my interpretation of the comments.
“I have been meeting more and more girls.. less interested in the traditional duties of a woman”.
This is insulting to women everywhere. I feel intense pressure to be Super Woman, as many of my generation do, we’re supposed to cook, clean, finish college, spit out 2.5 well adjusted kids, have the career, not expect a man to ‘take care of us’, be professional throughout the day and a sex kitten at night to maintain our husbands interest or he’ll post pictures of his dick on Facebook. Now – this is not enough for men (at least the one above) I need to make sure I’m scrubbing toilets or whatever else he deems traditional on top of that. There were reasons why women governed domestically while men worked outside the home in past decades. What I’m about to say is explained in Freshman college courses – or understood as just plain common sense. WW2, women enter the work force, infringing on previously male dominated arenas, decades evolve, we no longer have the strict division of domestic/professional labors, the 80’s arrive, more and more women are becoming educated and trying to enter the workforce, 90’s, middle class is no longer supported by single income families, both parents work – SOMEWHERE IN THERE – men should have picked up the slack, but you still stumble into a neanderthal who thinks we should do it all, the chores and household labors of old, as soon as we get home from work and picking the kids up from soccer – while Poppa Jim sit in the Lazy boy channel surfing. Uh, not gonna happen.
“..girls are more career oriented.. no interest in those ol chores”
It’s not that we’re NOT interested in scrubbing toilets, it’s that we don’t have enough time doing all said above. Older generations of women were not in the work force, my own mother never worked a day in her life.
“So if I get in a serious relationship.. gonna piss me off if she thinks I’m gonna do all that crap.”
‘All that crap’? So you are too good to do all that crap, but women aren’t. Probably where the inference of dick superiority was perceived.
“A man and a woman have roles” – that’s what YOU think, don’t state it as fact!
“Why can’t girls have careers and still be womanly” – yes we must assume what this means, because it is not clearly stated. I’m hearing it like, you can still go and do the little thing you want to try but when I get home from my real job, you better have dinner on the table – and pick up after me, because I AM MAN (wildly beats chest).
“I still have to mow the yard…” I’ve already tackled this one, but lets recap, you don’t have to mow the lawn, women actually have evolved with this capability. Your DNA does not make you stronger, this is a muscle capacity vs. female storage of fat cells issue which is again irrelevant with the chore of lawn mowing which does not demand that much rugged strength, or “ability”.
Then he talks about fast-food and fences, I feel bad for this person actually because he’s basing his self worth and contributions to family and society with mowing the lawn and mending fences, most people I know don’t have a fence, so not sure where he’d fit in.
At any rate, I hate to see anyone reduce people to tiny, out-dated societal boxes.
Your story sounds unfortunate, I have actually had the same experiences you have, been out of work and maintained all domestic duties to contribute to the household, also have worked 40+ hour job and come home to a man who would not pick up after himself and after exhausting my efforts thought I could ‘leave it to teach him a lesson’, I came home one day to molded food on the computer desk, filth as far as the eye could see, etc and promptly moved out and ended the relationship.
If everyone contributes, there won’t be as much of a gender defining struggle.
LOL Hundr, Heartbreaker, Erynn, you girls rock!
I don’t like housekeeping and cooking. But then again, I love working in the garden, cutting the grass, mending the fence, putting up wallpaper, and I really don’t have a problem taking out the garbage either..
I am messy, and I do things as they come. I don’t care. And sofar the guys I have been with had no problem, at least I have never heard any complaints, and nobody dropped starved yet either.
It sounds like you want a woman that has a full time job, goes to get the groceries after work, comes home, makes dinner for you, do the dishes and clean the house, wash your dirty socks and then fix the fence for it seems you can’t do that, as you say above.. so yea, then you are useless, sorry, but the way you put it up there you have all the expectations, but all you do is get pissed off if she doesn’t do it all. Oops, sorry, you did cut the grass.. wow!! Skip the Netherlands too, you won’t find a woman here either.
Given the length of time it’s going to be before you find a woman who is willing to cook for you and clean up after you while you sit around watching TV and mend the occasional fence, I should think you’d be pretty damn good at it…. also, why are you trolling?
I agree. It should be shared. I’m one of those girls that wasn’t born with the domestic gene. I do the housework when I feel like it. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t live in filth but it isn’t at the top of my priorities. I work full time and I have kids. I work 12 hour shifts and he’s crazy if he thinks I’m coming home after that to clean the house!!
@Hundr- I love reading your comments. You are so funny!!!
… What? This is some of the most chauvinistic crap I’ve heard in awhile. Having a uterus doesn’t make me any less of a person than someone with a penis. I have no roles and I will work with my partner on what needs to happen. I may not do the laundry because my uterus tells me to after working a 75 hour work week. However, I will pull my share.
Look for a woman with your ideals. Depending on where you are, it might be easier. Don’t move to Seattle, we’re not your type.
How in the world did you get “Having a uterus doesn’t make me any less of a person than someone with a penis” from what he said?
goes to show how much men dont understand this concept. i can understand your confusion… ‘penis’ is usually the only word in that sentence that men completely understand. anyways, having a uterus would mean shes a woman. having a penis would mean hes a man. so, theres a man and a woman in this metaphorical discussion. since we are discussing men vs. women, i see nothing too difficult with that statement. he is basically saying that people with a uterus (women) are the ones who deserve to do all the shit work and take care of the man like he’s 4 years old. hope that makes it easier for you, chief!
glad i did not meet you in the South. stay there. do not come here
Well the way I see it is that men and women do have roles. But these days to me it seems like we need to share the roles like my husband is a better cook and hates to clean, so he cooks I clean. I know the man is the head of the house but women want help with the chores at least I do I like sharing the responsibility. I also think in the old days women did not work so they had more time to get every thing done and they could teach their daughters, now every one works moms have quit teaching their daughters these things. But I still fill the pressures of men to have every thing done. But you have to look at this men work, some college and do out side things like mow but how much time does that take in a day or week my house not long but women have to work, clean, do the laundry, cook and have dinner on the table when the man comes home, me a mother in most cases, go to college, do home work and to me it seems like we have so much more to do then men we cant stay ahead. If you have a lazy ass girl that don’t do anything find another girl that will or will at least help. Also it seems to bring me and my husband closer to do thing together like he cooks and tells me what to do to help him or I do the dishes as he goes. I hope this helps.