Can she ever forgive me?-will things be the same?
April 23, 2011 in Advice about Relationships, Guys want to know
This was an email from a guy…
Can she ever forgive me?
I had an affair a year ago. It was a stupid office romance thing, we were going through a dull period in our relationship, and it happened. I told my wife about it, after she repeatedly asked me about this other girl. It’s like she already knew something so I told her..
We ended up sort of working through it, I know I hurt her..bad. Me and my wife are totally together, but things aren’t the same, there’s a coolness between us.. I’m starting to wonder some things.
Will she ever truly forgive and forget? Was she cheating also and that’s why she didn’t leave me? Is she cheating now?
I almost feel like this whole thing is like an egg-shell. Once broken you can never truly put it back together again.
Would I be better off leaving her, and starting fresh because I’m not going to feel guilty for the next 25 years!
just bail, your F–ed
U cheated- but chances are she did too, and she will use you admitting it to her advantage and she will hold it over you for the rest of your life!! Dont let her get all that control!
man i hope girls can forgive becuase everyone makes mistakes! A guy is only as faithful as his options..
Agree with Erynn 100%. Talk to her, allow for accountability, and most of all, show her you love her. Also, can you blame her for acting “cool” towards you? That’s a defense mechanism we women sometimes have to use… so we don’t get hurt again. It’s not playing games, it’s just a way we distance ourselves in case history repeats itself. If you want to save this marriage, talk to her. It’s up to you to do most of the work here. If she still loves you and is willing to try to trust you again, then YES this can be saved.
It would also be a good idea to see a marriage counselor– not a shrink, maybe even a Christian counselor. This isn’t a religious thing: Christian counselors are more focused on saving marriages, than other marriage therapists. Trust me on this, speaking from experience, and I also know several Christian and non-Christian counselors.
(she may even return the favour).
Frankly, You’re fucked. It will never be the same. She doesn’t know if she can trust you and once the trust is gone, that’s that. Poof. Maybe you can get it back, maybe you can’t, but it will NEVER be the same. Particularly since you didn’t come clean until pressed (rookie mistake) and you didn’t ask permission (sometimes this works).
Your communication failed once already. You shouldn’t be asking here; you should be talking to her and trying to work your way through this by sharing all your concerns and hearing all of hers. You could also open all your lines of communication (BCC all your personal e-mails to her, have all your phonecalls recorded so she can see what numbers are being called) and funds (automatically have her sent your statements) to her if it comes out she’s afraid you’re doing it again. It’s a HUGE thing to do, and no-one would blame you if you didn’t, but it can give her confidence in you.