She’s let herself go-how can I tell her?
May 25, 2011 in Advice about Relationships, Guys want to know, Interesting Articles
EMAILED IN FROM : JAKE
I realize I may get tied to a wooden stake and burned for emailing this but here is my question.
My wife let herself go.
My lovely wife has given me three lovely children and has been more than I could have ever asked for…except for one thing. She has never lost the weight from having the kids. It was no big deal at first, but after our third child we decided we were done. That was over five years ago! I will be honest, right here and right now….. I am not very attracted to her anymore. I look back at our pictures from before the kids and she doesn’t even look like the same woman.
How can I tell her that I am not attracted physically to her anymore..? Do I need to encourage her to lose weight? Will I just end up buried in the back yard next to our old dog Rex?
What does a guy do?
I have done all the above. Lost the weight and its been over a year now. She still has not hit her goal. She lost about 20 and she has gained it all back and probably more. I lost 55 just trying to be supportive and do it with her but now after 18 months Im out of ideas.
Create a program together! Get work out buddies! Help her find time and motivate her to get healthy. Tell her your concerned for both of you health wise, and want your kids to learn healthy eating habit from you. Don’t make looking “beautiful” a goal but get healthy together! I recommend the South Beach diet as a permanent diet solution. South Beach is a healthy reasonable diet that is easier to maintain long term and isn’t ridiculously strict.
Guys let themselves go too……dont forget that
i agree with what all of the women say but think it is important to add that the body she had 10 years ago really isn’t the body she has now, and even if she looses the weight it will never be that body again. having children alter’s just about everything on a woman from her shoulders to her knees. he skin no longer has the elasticity that it once had because she has carried three children and there are some things you just can not undo. i just had my second child almost two years ago, and i have lost so much weight that i am smaller now then i was the day we got married. however, the skin in my boobs, stomach, hips, and butt all streatched to the point of no return during my child rearing days and no matter what i do (asside from surgery) i can’t change that. also, she probobly wants to loose the weight as badly as you want her to. we don’t feel good about ourselves when we cary extra weight and it is most likely effecting her ability to become motivated. also don’t ever say the word fat….that will get you slapped.
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She brings good points.
Good call on that one Sultan. Here’s the thing Jake. She knows she doesn’t look as good as she once did, you don’t need to tell her. I have three children as well and I will tell you that it is not easy to get back into anything resembling shape afterwards especially if she doesn’t have time to take care of herself. My youngest is now twelve and I am just now starting to take care of myself again. Now that they are more self reliant I can go for a walk or the gym and not worry about calling a babysitter, or packing up three kids to go to grandma’s before having some me time. So, I guess what I am trying to diplomatically tell you is that maybe you should take some of the child rearing burden off of her for a bit. Plan time everyday where she is free to do what she needs. Oh and by the way you might want to check in the mirror because I bet you don’t look as hot as you did 10 years ago either and you don’t have the excuse of bearing children which by the way messes up most women’s metabolism for life not just for the 9 months of pregnancy. Sorry, this one is hitting close to home. Oh, and one more thing, give her a reason to get back in shape. Compliment her even if you don’t mean it. Sometimes a glimmer of hope is all someone needs to pull out of a funk.
You cannot tell a girl anything that has the word “FAT” in the sentence, no matter how the sentence is worded, the girl hears the word FAT and automatically assumes its about her. And the guy telling and or asking the girl to work out is easier said than done. Meaning you have to allow your girl to want to work out not feel she has to or is pressured to by her significant other.
*after I was born
If you want her to exercise, then get her to come with you when you exercise. The only nice way for you to broach the subject of her weight that I can think of (and I slept on this problem of yours), is the health angle. It isn’t healthy to have too much fat – certainly not healthy to have too little – and even less healthy to never exercise. So why don’t the pair of you go running together three mornings a week or at night? If you can’t do that, then long outdoor excursions with the little ones also work. You have to do it often – try and exercise at least every second day – but if you go with her it will be much, much easier for her.
Also, make sure she hasn’t kept the weight on because of depression. Post natal depression can last years after the fact, and frequently isn’t recognised or diagnosed. When I was born I was five before my father realised my mother had it.
Oh & Jake, start walking with the whole family daily if she sees you putting a foot forward she mite also???
Hey Jake, here think bout this…How much time does she really have for just herself? Thats the biggest question, is she all about the kids etc? Perhaps if u made a date night twice a month n buy her something pretty to wear or give her a break from the kids she could go out n pick something out? But Jake you have to say honey go get urself something special okay u deserve it…Then she will be focused on her & herself only might help her look in the mirror (not being mean) an see on her own that maybe she needs to pick herself back up n personal aperance ways? Maybe? let me know if it helps okay…Good Luck